offense.

I joined a bible study last week. My realtor and new BFF, Wendy, invited me! I arrived late as usual, oops. I was greeted by a very bubble blonde woman whose name escapes me at the moment (again, oops). She welcomed me in, poured me a cup of coffee and offered me some vanilla creamer, perfect. In the first three minutes of our time together I found out she was from TX, was also married to a Matt, their wedding date was 1 yr and 4 days apart from ours, and she had just moved to Sioux Falls! Goodness, talk about having a lot in common.

After we got our coffee we headed downstairs where I was greeted by a room full of friendly but somewhat awkward women. It's funny how uncomfortable women get in a room full of women they don't know. I was introduced to everyone, squeezed into a spot on the couch, and we started a round of get to know you introductions. I was amazed to hear everyone's stories. Upon first meeting someone you can assume certain things about them but it's not until you hear their whole story that you really understand who they are.

As we went around the circle I was more and more thankful to have been invited to the group. I heard stories of women who had been alcoholics, in abusive relationships, lived in over 32 states, had parents suffering from serious diseases, had been adopted. But most surprising to me was learning that the majority of the group had been divorced and remarried. To many this may not seem surprising, especially coming out of a group full of Christian women given the statistics saying over 50% of believers go through divorce.

It was difficult to hear the women's stories of betrayal and loss of their first marriage. I've studied marriage and the statistics related to it and I've known way too many close friends who struggled with marriage and are now on the road to divorce. It breaks my heart. My passion in life is marriage. The life long fulfillment of the vows made by two people on their wedding day, for better or for worse. Nothing brings me more joy than to meet a couple who has weathered the storms of marriage. It might be a couple married 5 years, it might be one married 55 years.

But the reality is I am surrounded by broken marriages. I've attended quite a few weddings now only to learn that in as short a time as 3 months, the honeymoon and wedding was over. So what is that makes staying married so hard? As someone who is still considered a newly wed, I truly believe staying married is a daily choice. We have to choose to love, choose to grow, choose to accept our spouse as they are. We have to forgive, we have to ask for forgiveness and we have to realize that marriage wasn't designed to make us happy, it was designed to make us holy. There will be conflict, there will be friction and if we can commit to pursuing our spouse for life, we will reap the amazing rewards that a lifelong marriage can't help but harvest.

I've been reading a book entitled The Bait of Satan by John Bevers. I'm not through the entire book ,but so far I think this book helps answer the question of why so many marriages never get to reap the harvest. It's not a marriage book at all. It mentions marriage in a short few paragraphs, but overall, the book addresses how we handle offenses in life. "You will encounter offense, and it's up to you how you're going to let it affect your relationship with God. Your response will determine your future." - John Bevere.

I've always grown up believing a husband and wife should be best friends. They should be willing to sacrifice everything for each other. They should fit perfectly. But all of that changed when I became a Christian. I no longer believed any one person should be my ultimate source of life but instead, God should be. I also believe that even a spouse can not fulfill my every need. Most importantly I learned that I could never fit perfectly with my husband until I was in a perfect union with God. Without God as my center, I would not find deep fulfillment in my marriage.

But what happens when we feel like we are truly seeking God yet we face offenses in life from the person whom God has given us to be our parter for life? To be offended by a stranger is easily overcome. To be offended by the person we love most in this world, is devastating. Marriage provides a scenario in which offenses come easily and often. " Are you compelled to tell your side of the story? Do you fight thoughts of suspicion or mistrust? Are you constantly rehearsing past hurts? Have you lost hope because of what someone else did to you?"- John Bevere.

I can relate to many of the questions listed above. If you can too, I strongly encourage you to read The Bait of Satan. I'd be interested to hear what you have to say. For me, it's been a real eye opener. Not only for my marriage but for my attitude and perception of my walk with God. In the last 3 days of reading this book I've been forced to look a little deeper into the person that I am, the easily offended one, and how my response really does determine my future.

I pray for my family, my friends, their marriages and their walks with God.