Bradley Birth Method: The only method for us!

Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start):

When we moved from Tyler, TX to Lafayette, LA I was already 7 months pregnant.  It was an overwhelming thought to start over with my prenatal care.  I needed to find a new clinic, a new doctor, a new hospital, a new everything! It was funny to me that some  clinics wouldn't take me since I was already 7 months along.  Thankfully I did find a doctor that was accepting new patients, even ones that were already with child and 7 months along!

After securing a clinic and a new doctor came the question of our actual birth.  I had watched the documentary The Business of Being Born and to be honest it terrified me.  To witness the live births, natural at that, just made me nervous and downright freaked out about my own labor and delivery.  It was at that point that I decided Matt and I should try to get more educated on the topic of birth.

We didn't have much time but I researched and finally came across a birthing method called The Bradley Method: Husband Coached Child Birth.  This method focused on the role of the husband as the labor coach and also incorporated fitness and nutrition into their 12 week program.  I also discovered that in addition to the book, there were classes we could attend!


I immediately emailed the contact person, Brandi, for more information.  Since I was already 7 months along I wondered if we had missed our window for taking a birthing class.  Brandi responded to my email very quickly and to my surprise she had just started a new class with 5 other couples!  We had missed the first week but she said she would be happy to catch us up!  The cost for the class was $300.  I mentioned the class and the cost to my loving hubby and his response was, "Whatever you want!"  I called Brandi and told her we were a go for the class!


"What is The Bradley Method^®?
The Bradley Method^® teaches natural childbirth and views birth as a natural process. It is our belief that most women with proper education, preparation, and the help of a loving and supportive coach can be taught to give birth naturally. The Bradley Method^® is a system of natural labor techniques in which a woman and her coach play an active part. It is a simple method of increasing self-awareness, teaching a woman how to deal with the stress of labor by tuning in to her own body. The Bradley Method^® encourages mothers to trust their bodies using natural breathing, relaxation, nutrition, exercise, and education."
~ www.bradleybirth.com

"Dr. Bradley was born on a farm in Atchison, Kansas, December 11, 1917. Growing up on the farm provided Dr. Bradley with the love of nature that he brought into his medical practice. Dr. Bradley learned that nature was not something to fight against but something to follow"
~ bestnaturalbirth.com

Our Bradley Birth experience:
Our class met at Richardson Chiropractic off of South College Avenue. Class was from 6:45pm-8:30pm once a week on Tuesdays. There was a workbook that we followed during the class as well as "Husband Coached Childbirth Book" that we read. Well, mostly Matt read it.  Each class focused on a different topic related to pregnancy, nutrition, exercise, labor and postpartum.  I loved our class because our instructor Brandi was happy to address questions and concerns whenever we had them.  It was also fun to hear what the other couples in the class though about certain topics.


Each class started with going over the homework for the week and asking questions.  We then covered the new material, sometimes watched a video (yes- the ones that remind you of 7th grade health class!) and ended the class by practicing exercises or relaxation. 

I think watching the videos helped both of us.  Wow. They were very detailed birth videos.  I must admit, they took some of the shock value off of what labor and delivery really looks like but it also helped us to see a birth and to know what we could possibly expect from our own birth. I couldn't help but laugh the first time the husbands saw the unedited videos of a live birth. There were a lot of covered eyes and "you can't come back from that!" comments :).

After every class I had learned something new.  It's amazing to me how much there is to learn about not only pregnancy but labor and delivery as well.  I love how the Bradley method empowered me as a woman but also Matt as a coach.  He was just as aware of what to expect as I was.  In my opinion, it was a joint effort in getting to this point so I only think it's fair to include Matt in the pregnancy and the labor/delivery of our precious bundle.

Who knew there was so much I could do during my pregnancy to help me during my delivery! I loved that this method was one that got you actively involved in your pregnancy.  I was not going to be a couch potato caving into my cravings! Mostly because I didn't want to gain excess weight but also because the health of my baby was of utmost importance.  Matt held me accountable and offered words of encouragement on the days when I didn't feel so motivated.


Nutrition was a big focus of our Bradley classes.  I followed a diet of sorts that was designed by Dr. Bradley to provide nutrition for me and my baby.  It wasn't a list of foods I had to have or certain meal plans but rather a list of components that I should include in my daily food intake.  For example, they emphasize the importance of protein in my diet.  Protein is especially important in the 3rd trimester. It helps provide the extra sustenance that is necessary for proper brain development of the baby.  I was taking in 70-100 grams of protein daily!  Some days I had to add a serving in right before bed to make my daily goals.  The Bradley method also supports consuming plenty of fats as they help to prepare your body for the actual delivery.  Who doesn't want to eat a little extra fat! I loved adding butter and olive oil in my food prep.  Salt was another interesting addition to my diet.  I've never been the type to add salt to my food but the Bradley Method encourages you to "salt to taste".  The extra salt is beneficial for keeping bloating away as it regulates your body fluids- seems odd as you would think salt retains water, but it sure worked for me! Even in the days leading up to my labor I did not bloat out.


Exercise was another focal point of the Bradley method.  In the early days we were encouraged to walk 15 minutes a day and to do a set number of pelvic rocks, butterflies and squats.  As we progressed in our pregnancy the number of reps we did of each exercise increased.  By my third trimester I was encouraged to walk twice a day for 30 minutes at a time.  I have always loved exercise but I loved it even more when I was pregnant.  Not only did the exercise give me a boost of energy but my mood stayed elevated.  Other than hunger pains, I was a very content and happy pregnant lady most of the time! I also never had back or leg pain.  I slept well and I maintained a very healthy weight. I gained 25 pounds total during my pregnancy. 


As my coach, Matt was to hold me accountable in the areas of nutrition and exercise.  I am so thankful he did because less than 2 months after having Brenna and I was back in all of my pre-pregnancy clothes.  Please note my body is not where it was before pregnancy as things stretch and I need to allow time for my body to bounce back, but I feel great and I attribute it directly to the work I did while I was pregnant.  I also find that working out post pregnancy is easier!

In addition to diet and exercise, relaxation is notably the most important part of the Bradley method.  Dr. Bradley grew up on a farm and observed many animals giving birth.  Dr. Bradley believed that women, like the animals he had observed growing up, could give birth without drugs and distress. During their labors the animals he observed would enter an almost sleep like state towards the end- the most difficult transition phase.  This is how Dr. Bradley developed the relaxation part of his method.  Mothers were to focus on creating a sleep like state by relaxing their entire bodies and lying on the bed.This stage usually came during the most difficult part of labor when mother's bodies were exhausted and lying down in a bed was the best way to conserve energy.


In each class we were taught proper relaxation.  The focus was for the mother to relax her entire body and do deep abdominal breathing while the labor coach identified places of tension.  The husbands were taught how to identify tension in their spouse's body and then to use massage or rubbing to help relax that area.  It was awesome to practice this at the end of class. I wanted to go straight to sleep every time!

Thank goodness we practiced relaxation though.  It seems easy but in our actual labor I tensed up in my shoulders first.  I am so thankful I had Brandi! She focused on massaging my shoulders and redirected me to my abdominal breathing during contractions.  Focusing on relaxation and deep breathing are the two major things that got me through my labor.  As my contractions grew stronger, the importance of staying relaxed in my body and in my breathing were key.  I am so thankful for the practice we had in the Bradley class and for labor coaches that knew how to help me maintain a state of relaxation.


But here is my favorite part of the Bradley Birthing Method.  It is "Husband Coached Childbirth".  In the old days men weren't even allowed in the labor room.  In deliveries, Dr. Bradley found that as soon as the baby was born, the women were praising him and his efforts.  He found it odd that he was receiving this praise along with displays of affection since other than delivering the baby (which was a great accomplishment of course), he shared no emotional connection to the mother or the baby.  But yet he was the one receiving the praise.  It was at that point that he realized how important it was for the husband to be involved, very involved.


During Dr. Bradley's research he found that the relationship that already existed between wife and husband was what allowed the couple to be in sync during the labor process. Watch a Bradley birth and what you will normally see is a team working together with only intermittent help from the staff until the point of delivery.  The husband's one job is to support the mother as she labors.  The result? A mother who looks adoringly at her husband when the baby comes out! It also results in a labor that is much more relaxed because the mother feels supported the entire time.



Looking at my own labor experience I can say that I would NOT have been as successful had it not been for my coach, Matt (hubby) and our assistant coach Brandi (Bradley instructor).  It was with their help that I remained calm, relaxed and focused throughout even the worst of my contractions.  At the end of it, I rejoiced with my birthing team, not just the doctor!  But I must add that the Bradley method also encourages you to find a doctor and birthing team that supports your desire to have a natural birth.  I visited three doctors before I found my doctor.  As it turned out she did not actually deliver our baby but the man who did was amazing! I will forever be thankful that Dr. Bourque delivered our sweet Brenna girl.  He fully supported our desire to have a natural birth.  He allowed me to labor freely and was very respectful of giving us our time and privacy right up until the pushing phase.  Then he stepped in and delivered our babe!

I can't imagine going through my pregnancy and labor without the education of the Bradley Method. Even if you have plans for interventions such as induction or epidural, I would still highly recommend you take a Bradley class.  It can only help to be knowledgeable about your body and your baby!  Although I support natural birth above interventions, I personally know couples who had to have interventions and they are still very glad they took the Bradley classes despite not having a natural birth.


If you have any questions about the Bradley method or would like to find out if there is a class in your area- visit www.bradleybirth.com.  I am looking into becoming an instructor in the near future! I'd love to spread some of this Bradley love if I can! :)


I can't say enough about the education I received thanks to this class.  I will definitely attempt another natural birth next time!

Brenna Rose Bocan Birth Story: April 16, 2012

Dear Brenna,

The day we brought you into the world will forever remain one of the best days of our lives.  We love you so very much!

Brenna Rose Bocan: A Bradley Birth Story

April 15th-16th

I woke up at almost exactly midnight on April 15^th to a slightly uncomfortable feeling in my lower front abdomen.  It wasn’t painful, but it was enough to cause me to get out of bed and pace in our bedroom.  The uncomfortable feeling in my abdomen would come around about every 10-15 minutes.  I used an app on my phone to track the contractions.  It tracked start time and end time and how frequent the contractions were coming. It also let me track the intensity of each contraction. At this point I was tracking them all as “mild”. 

Our Bradley Method classes had prepared us well and we knew we wanted to labor at home as much as possible, but figured we should be prepared to go to the hospital just in case things progressed quickly. Around 4:15am we showered, ate and made sure our hospital bags were ready to go.  After a few hours of no change in progress, Matt decided to get a few more hours of sleep.  I continued to labor by walking through my contractions.  Walking helped me take my mind off the pain, which thankfully at this point was still mild.

After calling Brandi, our amazing Bradley instructor and assistant coach, we continued our day in a pretty normal way.  Brandi was confident we were in labor and kept asking when we wanted her to come.  At this point the contractions were very manageable and we were perfectly content being at home for awhile longer.  I checked in with Brandi throughout the day to keep her posted on our progress.  Since it was a Sunday Matt didn’t have to worry about work and could be home with me.  We watched tv and every time a contraction would come I’d simply walk across the room practicing the deep breathing we had learned in our Bradley class.  I also did pelvic rocks in between contractions which felt good. 

Around 2pm my contractions went from “mild” to “medium”.  Matt let the puppies out for some playtime knowing the time was nearing that we’d have to leave them and head to the hospital.  By 4pm I needed Matt’s assistance to get me through contractions.  He would do hip squeezes behind me and it was great for relieving some of the pressure.  I was fortunate to not have any back labor but I did feel a decent amount of pressure in my front lower abdomen. At this point I was quite pleased with my ability to manage each contraction.  I give all the credit to our 12 week Bradley course which prepared us physically, mentally and emotionally for labor/delivery.

6:30pm rolled around and I said to Matt, “I think we need to go to the hospital.”  At this point I was bracing myself against walls and Matt was doing hip squeezes.  The pain was still under control but I worried if we waited too long we might be delivering our baby in the car!  We gathered our things, said goodbye to our sweet puppies and told them we would be back with their baby sister!

The ride to the hospital was actually quite easy.  Of course now that we were on our way to the hospital it’s almost as if my body knew and my contractions went back to “mild”.  When we arrived at the hospital there was no parking and since it was a Sunday the valet service was closed.  Matt dropped me off and I made my way slowly up to the second floor of Lafayette General Hospital.  It was 7pm now.

I walked up to the nurse’s station and calmly said, “Hi, I’m Lisa Bocan and I’m in labor.”  She handed me some paperwork and told me to follow her.  Matt met up with us in what would be our laboring room.  The next thing I knew there were a bunch of nurses shouting out questions at me.  One nurse said, “Tell me how you would like things to go.”  To which I responded, “Oh, here is a copy of our birth plan.”  She didn’t want to see the birth plan; she wanted me to just tell her what I wanted.  I immediately grew anxious and thought to myself, “We wrote a detailed birth plan for a reason!”  Thankfully, that nurse did not end up being our labor nurse. Instead we had sweet Gennie. She was completely supportive of our desire to have a natural birth and was wonderful in showing Brandi all of the hospital supplies we might need (exercise ball, washcloths, etc). 

We were told that our doctor was unavailable so we’d be working with the on-call doctor.  I was a little nervous but figured everything would be fine.  Dr. Bourque came to our room, introduced himself and then checked me (who knew that part would be so painful) and I was dilated to a 3!  Since my water was leaking he said, “You aren’t going anywhere tonight!”  I was thrilled.  The last thing I wanted was to be sent home.

I walked the hallways of the hospital wearing my princess slippers and a hospital gown.  Matt videotaped a few contractions and things were going exactly as we had hoped.  I was on cloud nine knowing soon we would get to meet our baby girl!

A fun part of our labor was finding out that our fellow Bradley classmates were also in the hospital!  They had delivered a beautiful baby boy the night before.  We walked to their room and met Thomas.  How funny it was to stand in their hospital room, while in labor, casually talking to them.  I would excuse myself behind a curtain every time a contraction would come. 

After two more hours of laboring, I began to really feel the pain with every contraction.  Walking became more difficult and I started to breath through each contraction while Brandi massaged my shoulders and Matt did hip squeezes. My birthing team was amazing!  Dr. Bourque checked me again around 9pm and I was dilated to an 8! I went from a 3 to an 8 in less than 2 hours! We all rejoiced!  I had progressed very quickly which is why my contractions went from “mild” to “strong” in that two hour period.

Now was time for the real work.  Brandi suggested I get in the bed. They raised the back of the bed; I climbed in, got on my knees and faced the back of the bed. I dealt with each contraction by practicing deep breathing and burying my face in the soft pillow.  Brandi reminded me to stay calm and Matt continued hip squeezes. 

By 11pm the contractions were very close together and very strong.  Brandi suggested we move to the bathroom where I could sit backwards on the toilet hopefully allowing more room for baby to continue moving down the birth canal.  I was nervous to do this because I had liked the comfort of the bed.  But I was glad we made the move- I went through the transition phase on the toilet.  Brandi reminded me this was the hardest part and I kept it together! 

We transitioned to the bed to make sure I was settled before I had the urge to push.  I tried a few different positions and ended up in the traditional position.  After a few pushes Dr. Bourque requested the bed be put in an almost fully reclined position.  Brandi questioned this and after Dr. Bourque’s explanation that it would allow baby to come out easier we all agreed it was best. 

So there I was, flat on my back and trying to push a baby out!  I pushed for about 30 minutes and on the final push I yelled, “Please, just get her out!”  At that point a minor episiotomy was done and within seconds our baby girl entered the world!  She only cried for a minute.  As they dried her off they lifted her tiny little body up to me.  She was placed skin to skin under the blanket and as I stared at her I realized she was crawling up my chest.  Her big brown eyes stared deep into mine and her tiny little arm reached up and around my neck as if to give me a hug.  It was a moment I will never forget.  We had our baby girl in our arms.  Matt and I stared at this precious bundle amazed at God’s goodness.  We celebrated with a toast of orange juice.  After over an hour of holding Brenna and nursing her (just minutes after she was born she nursed) the nurses took her across the room to check her.  She received a 9 out of a possible 10 on the Apgar scale (this measures a baby’s condition right after birth).  She would have received a 10 but her little feet were still a bit purple. 

Brenna Rose, who actually was nameless until day 2, weighed in at 6lb 9oz.  She was 20.5” with big beautiful eyes and a button nose. She was perfect.  After her checkup and measurements they bundled her up and handed her back to us.  We were moved to our recovery room and spent the next 24 hours loving on our newest addition.

Mission accomplished! We completed our birth free of drugs and delivered a healthy and beautiful baby girl!  God is amazing and we are so very blessed to have Brenna Rose as a part of our family.  We pray for you sweet Brenna Rose, that you would love the Lord and be a light for Him.  We are blessed to have you and raise you.  Excited to see what the future brings!

We love you,

Mama and Papa xoxoxo

 Gennie is the nursed pictured below with the sheet. She was amazing and we are so thankful we got her and not the old school nurse! No offense :)

 I am ready to do this thang!

 Yup. Call me crazy but I labored through my transition phase on the toilet! 

But hey I was still smiling at 9cm!

 My amazing best friend, husband and labor coach!

Nearing the end!

 Blessed.

 Moments after she came into this world!

 Proud parents!

 An orange juice toast for Brenna!

 Amazed.

 A new chapter in our love story.

 One day old beauty.

 At last we have a name!

 Those eyes still make me melt.

 It's official!

 All bundled up and ready to go home! 

We love you Brenna Rose Bocan!

I'm back... for real this time!

It's amazing to me how quickly time flies.  I have committed to updating this blog more often so family and friends who don't live near us (that would be everyone, ha) can keep up on our lives and probably more importantly on our sweet Brenna Rose who is 7 weeks already!

I am going to post Brenna's birth story and some photos of our labor and delivery next.  Then I plan to blog about the method we used to deliver Brenna, The Bradley Birthing Method.  I truly believe our birth story would not be what it is without the Bradley Birth Method.  I loved every part of our 12 week courses as well as our amazing instructor Brandy who ended up being our assistant coach for Brenna's birth!

After the Bradley Method post I plan on bombarding you with some of my favorite photos of Brenna as well as an update on our life in Lafayette, Louisiana and our upcoming move back to Tyler, TX.

Whew! I hope to follow through on all of these posts! Once I get into a habit of posting I hope to be posting often!

Ok, birth story post coming right up!  I love looking back at posts so my goal this month is to post at least weekly :) Please hold me to it people!

Excited to keep you all updated!

The Bocan Family

~Matt, Lisa, Lola, Stella and Brenna Rose

Oh Baby Girl

When you kick it sometimes feels like I have a tiny pair of baby shoes on spin cycle in my belly. 

When you stretch it looks like I have a mini bowling ball sticking out of one side of my belly.  I like to pat the round little bump because I'm pretty sure it's your bum, I hope you don't mind baby!

I don't know if I've felt you hiccup yet.  If I have felt you then you hiccup very quickly. Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup.

I think I'll pick up a music cd and some books for you to listen to this week.  It's about time we started reading to you!

We love you baby girl.  9 more weeks until we get to meet you!

Love you so much,

Mama and Papa

29 week check-up.

Oh I am one happy girl! My experience at Dr. Pugliese's office was fantastic!  We did have to wait a little bit and as most people know Matt loves waiting (teehee) but it was well worth it.  After I completed the routine paperwork and did the sample in the cup deal (yes, they had lids on the cups) we waited in a small brick room for the doctor to come in.  She arrived and asked if we had any questions.  I explained we were going through Bradley Method classes and I wanted to confirm she was okay with that.  Without hesitation she said, "yes!"  So great to have a doctor that's on board with what our desires for a natural birth.  After welcoming and congratulationing us she measured my belly.  Measuring perfectly at 29 weeks! Then we listened to the whooshta whooshta of our sweet baby girl's heartbeat.  It was beating at 152 bmp.  Perfect! 

We are setup for our next appointment on Feb 28th. I will be 32 weeks and we will have a full ultrasound done! I can't WAIT!

On the way home we checked our mail and there was a box!  We opened it up together, with help from the girls of course, and we found our first baby gift!!! 2 sheet protectors, a pack of adorable receiving blankets and a monkey blanket!! Thank you Katie and Izac!

I've officially started our baby stash in the guest room :-)

The NEW doctor.

I am happy to report I have an appointment with our new doctor tomorrow at 1:15!  Her name is Dr. Pugliese and she comes very highly recommended.  Our Bradley instructor recommended her and has had a number of students deliver babies with her.  It's good to know people that have personal experiences with a doctor.  Matt and I are looking forward to the appointment.  Her office staff has been very helpful in figuring out insurance payments and getting me scheduled quickly. They called today and have me on the schedule for tomorrow.  I am especially excited because I found out their clinic does routine ultrasounds at 32 weeks so we'll get to see our sweet B one more time before delivery :) 

Baby B is 29 weeks today!  She is dancing around a lot and I think I can tell where her head and booty are :)

In other news, Matt's job is going well! I have two photoshoots this weekend and am hoping they can help me find other clients.  I am putting together a Children's gallery and will post that to my website sometime today.

It's a beautiful day in Louisiana.  Sunny with a high in the mid 60s... in February! I don't miss midwest winters on days like this.

I will post again with a report once we have had our appointment!

Finding my dream.

Some days things come at you in a way you would never expect.  Today it was a combination of watching the Super Bowl followed by The Voice.  These two television shows may seem like they are on opposite spectrums but the truth is I found there to be a very strong link between the two.  A dream and a dream fulfilled.

The Giants and the Patriots each had a dream going into today- win the Super Bowl.  Get the W. Become the Champions.  However, this wasn't a dream that could be fulfilled in one day.  It was  the result of practice, determination, failures, victories and most imortantly the vision of a dream that began a long time ago, probably in childhood. The day they signed on as a professional with a team was a victory.  Each win leading up to the playoffs was a victory.  Each individual on each team claimed a victory in making it to the Superbowl.  But today the possibility of fulfilling that lifelong dream of winning a Super Bowl Championship became reality for one team.  Congratulations to The Giants.

As I watched the aftershow for the Super Bowl, I listened to the players give tribute to their coaches and the people that helped them get to where they are. The victorious team fulfilled their dream and I couldn't help but share in their joy, despite the fact that I had nothing to do with their win. Big alligator tears whelled up in my eyes, I pictured these players as children. I envisioned them training and working hard to build themselves up to a place worthy of professional status. I knew they had each faced defeat but given their performance today, they had all come back to a place of success. Whether by sheer talent or sheer determination, these players earned this victory and this fulfillment of their dream.

Then I switch gears to The Voice, a program that showcases vocal talent that is a step above the rest.  It's not American Idol- these contestants have earned their way to this stage thanks to practice, determination, failures, victories and again, much like the professional football players, a dream that was born a very long time ago.  Some competing on The Voice have already performed with Grammy winning artists.  One contestant was a backup singer for Alicia Keys. Another was a child star in The Mickey Mouse Club cast with Christina Aguilera.  Much like the dream of securing a Super Bowl win, these contestants also have a dream.  Their dream is to be the best at what they do and to make a career out of their vocal talents. 

I had the same teary-eyed reaction as I watched The Voice.  Listening to one particular contestant sing opera spoke to a place in my heart that I'm not sure I've felt stirred in quite some time.  As he sang the opera, I found such beauty in not only his voice, but in his pursuit of his dream.  He explained to the judges that his experience of putting himself into a box of what he thought others would view as talent had not gotten him where he wanted.  For this audition, he would do what inspired him most, sing opera.  Our pop culture today would probably opt for a pop or country music star, but this voice chose to go his own way and it paid off.

So what does all of this mean? Yes, people have dreams. They work hard to achieve those dreams and with a little bit of talent and a lot of faith, many go on to fulfill their dreams.  After watching the SuperBowl and The Voice, I retreated to my bedroom and suddenly I felt tears once again.  But this time, it wasn't out of joy for the football players, or from the beauty that I heard in the opera song, they were tears of deep sadness.  The truth is, I realized something.  I can't answer to you what my dream is because it seems I just don't know right now. 

I used to dream of singing on a big stage.  Well, my junior and senior high youth performances would have to count as fulfillment of that dream.  Anything beyond that was cut short when I developed voice nodules.  I no longer had the voice I used to.  I could look at it as a broken dream, but I prefer to look at it as God leading me in another direction.  Shortly after high school I went on a search for my faith and it ended when Jesus Christ saved me.  This dream was one I didn't realize I had, but am thankful for with every breath I take.

After becoming a follower of Christ I returned to school and completed my college degree with Honors- definitely a dream fulfilled.  I got married and took on the role of wife. Another dream come true.  And finally, in a few short months, I will fulfill one of my biggest dreams of becoming a mother. 

But why the tears of sadness?  I am not completely sure. 

Professionally, I love being a photographer, but really at this point I don't see myself hitting it big in that arena.  Don't get me wrong, I do it for the people and the joy that comes from giving them beautiful portraits.  I love capturing the emotion and beauty of the human soul in a photograph.  It truly is a passion of mine. I'd like to think I've been blessed with a talent in photography and I'll continue to work at becoming better.  But at the end of the day, it's not my dream. 

Right now the only thing that comes to mind is dreaming of being a better person.  For starters, being a better wife.  I want to be as supportive and encouraging as I can be.  I want to stay positive and act in a way that shows the highest level of respect for my husand.  I want to have a marriage that is passionate and filled with romance like the early days when we first met.  I often feel like I fall short in the role of wife.  I don't want sympathy because I know I do a lot of things in the role of wife quite well.  But I know I could do better.  A lot better. 

I also dream of being the best mom I can be.  I know I will fail many many times, but I pray that God will equip me with the tools I need to succeed as a first time mom.  I pray for my baby girl.  I pray that one day she would look up at me with her big brown eyes and say, "Mom, I love you and who you are."

Beyond improving myself as wife and learning how to become the best mom I can be, I have no dreams.  That is where the deep sadness comes in.  I think in some ways I have lost myself in the role of wife and soon-to-be-mom.  I have lost the passion in life that used to make my heart sing.  I find joy in every day, but there is something missing.  What that something is, I need to find.

I will spend this week praying for my dreams, the ones I have yet to discover.  I will seek God and His plan for my life.  I want to stir the place in me that was stirred while listening to the opera singer.  I want to wake up each day with a dream in mind.  Something that makes my time on this earth more than just an existance. During this time of seeking, I will praise God for my many blessings.

Here's to finding my future dream, whatever that may be.